i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
