i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize