my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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