I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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