my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
