I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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