I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
