so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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