whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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