There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
