Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
