My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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