haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
