In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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