last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
