That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
