I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
