I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
