I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
