When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
