At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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