Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
