I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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