He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
