HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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