youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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