I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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