their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
