oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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