see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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