Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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