Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
