By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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