So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
