fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize