Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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