Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
