Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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