It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
