My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
