Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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