i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
