last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize