wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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