he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
