We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize