I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
