Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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