I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
