did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
