I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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