turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
