Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize