ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
