Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
