Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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