I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
