Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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