I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
