Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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