Whats the glycemic index on semen?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
