The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
