He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
