Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
