I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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