is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
