Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
